i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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