Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
