Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
