Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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