just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
