In the future we'll all be gay
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
