help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
