Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
