Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Less talking, more tequila
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
