You just made me feel so damn special
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
