he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
