I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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