Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
