Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
