Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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