Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Randomize
