Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
