It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
