Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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