I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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