happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
