U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he puts the penis in happiness.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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