Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
