Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
