dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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