Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize