we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
