he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
