We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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