I didn't shave. On purpose
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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