I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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