Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
