Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
