If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
