He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
