I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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