my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
