I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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