Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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