just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
being pregnant is like rehab
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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