I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize