my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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