answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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