Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
