evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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