hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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