i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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