I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
