Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
