Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
