Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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