I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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