i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Will exercising make me less horny?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
