I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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