My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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