Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
