There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
