so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize