sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
