he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
