if i can run in heels then i can drive
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
