Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
