Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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