i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
