I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
