4 words: hood of his car
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
