A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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