just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
