I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
