I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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