I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
