Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize