yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
