what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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