went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
