do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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