shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
