Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
