i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
