There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize