So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
